When it comes to me and relationships, I have high standards. First and foremost I don’t do short term relationships, my ex and I dated for over 6 years, my current boyfriend and I are almost at our year and a half mark and we aren’t getting to the breaking point anytime soon. After the longevity I require sex, and a lot of it. The only times the following doesn’t apply is when I’m menstruating (I don’t want anything or anyone anywhere near me for these few days.) When I get up two days without sex my mood swings kick in, when it’s three days I’m flat out angry, four days and I’m masturbating nearly every hour, I haven’t gotten to five days yet, and I’m not looking forward to it.
It is difficult for me to go on happily the sunshine following 24 hours I didn’t get as close to my love as I wanted. First thing in the morning I will most likely kiss deeply and caress until my hands find his groin. Usually this works well and I spend the rest of the day with a whistle. However there are those rare occasions I am met with a sly smile, showered with kisses and a gently apology. Sometimes there is a valid excuse as in already late for work or school, we have to check out of the hotel room (we stay in hotels a lot, my family has been in the hotel business quite a bit), I have the flu… But sometimes he just doesn’t want sex or sometimes he likes to hold out for a couple of days so when we do go for it, its amazing, and often well worth it. That doesn’t mean when I’m left alone in bed I don’t want to rip my pathetic libido from my body and then do 100 lounges and hope I miraculously look sexier then ever by the time my love comes home that he will have no choice but to make insane love to me.
The fact of the matter is, on top of out of control hormones I have an incredibly low self-esteem. No matter how many times I’m told I’m beautiful, sexy, cute, desirable, I still feel like I’m on the bottom of the decent list. As we all know actions speak louder than words so when I’m sitting on the edge of the bed whether I’m in my cutest dress or in a baggy pair of pajamas and my boyfriend comes at me with a hard-on and a shower of kisses, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. On the other end of the spectrum when I feel confident and I try a form of seduction if I’m met with a sly smile and a shrug my world is shattered. I have a tendency to go from sweet as pie, ‘of course you can have the last of the ice cream!’ to ‘What the hell?! You ate all the ice cream! I know I said you can have it but I thought you would at least give me a bite!’ to curled up in a ball on my bed crying in his arms. Yes I really do insane when I’m sexually frustrated.
It is a never ending cycle. When I get sexually frustrated, I get frustrated because I’m sexually frustrated and I shouldn’t be. Then I get angry because I’m acting mental and my poor boyfriend is nothing but amazing to me and I can’t expect him to have sex with me 4 times a day, nor do I really want it that much but my clitoris thinks it does. But then in the morning when my vagina is pulsing and sore because my love is huge and I’m tiny and my poor little friend can’t really take all that beating and caressing.
Either way, I got laid today so really I have nothing to complain about.
CIAO!
